Hello friends! This is my first part of my new Wedding Wednesday blog series. I am so excited to provide some insight and resources for brides preparing for their wedding day. I wanted to start the series with some advice that I learned along the way of planning my wedding this past year. These facts are not necessarily things that those around you may think to tell you. They are things I personally realized walking through this experience and made a difference for my fiancé, our loved ones, and myself.
1. Include your fiancé in the planning!
When discussing a wedding there is one thing that is highlighted; the bride! Her friends and family want to know what she wants and what she plans to do on her wedding day. Everyone in her life hopes that it will be the day of her dreams. There is, however, another important individual to consider—the groom! It’s his wedding too! MOST men will tell their bride-to-be that it’s HER day and he wants her to have whatever she wants. Men are generally not interested in the details and would prefer to show up on their wedding day and marry their beautiful bride, and that is ok! Your wedding day should represent the two of you as a couple, not just yourself. If the day was just a representation of YOU and your taste, then this would be your birthday party, which is supposed to be ALL about you! When Evan and I began to plan our wedding day, Evan told me that he wanted me to have the day of my dreams. This was so sweet but I wanted US to have the day of OUR dreams. This was how I found the best way to do it. First, I asked Evan to tell me the aspects of the day that he wanted most to be involved in the planning. He said that he wanted to be involved with planning the ceremony, music, food, and, of course, the men’s attire. When the time came to plan those aspects we worked on it together. Everything else I planned without checking in with him. It makes sense that Evan wouldn’t mind what the invitations, flowers, or colors/theme for the day would be. This worked out very well for us and it allowed the day to represent us and not just MY personal style/taste.
One of my favorite things we chose to do was the way in which we “numbered” our reception tables. We did not, however, use numbers; we used movie posters! Evan and I both LOVE movies and so we decided to replace table numbers with mini movie posters of our favorite films. To dismiss our guests for the dinner buffet we played the music from the table’s assigned film. For example, Evan and I used Beauty and the Beast as our head table theme. When we heard “Beauty and the Beast” playing we went to the buffet. When “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” played, The Wizard of Oz table was dismissed. The same went for the Avengers, Sound of Music, and Star Wars tables, along with several others. This was a fun and unique way to incorporate something we both loved and our guests absolutely LOVED it!
2. Show your loved ones how much you appreciate them.
You more than likely have a few loved ones helping you bring this day together. Your mom, sister(s), bridesmaids, etc. will be helping you with both the small and large details of planning. If you’re really lucky, your parents are helping you by paying for the wedding day. This is such a special gift they have decided to give you and they deserve to know how much you appreciate it. Take time to remind your parents, family, and friends who are highly involved in bringing this day together how much you love them. Take your mom out to lunch, just the two of you. Have your bridesmaids over for a girl’s night. Leave a little note for your dad to find after you have a visit telling him that you love him. There are many ways to let those around you know that you love and appreciate them.
3. Make time for yourself and your fiancé.
Planning a wedding is such a time consuming process and you are at the center of it all. Everyone needs to know YOUR vision, YOUR desires, and YOUR opinions. If you are like me you can find this exhausting. While I personally loved wedding planning, this introvert gets worn out quickly from a long day (or week) of meetings and talking. It is important to take time to recharge. Whatever gives you the most satisfying energy is how you should take time for yourself. For me this included a bubble bath, a long stroll through the aisles of Target with a cup of Starbucks, going to see a movie on my own, getting my nails done…basically I recharge with introvert time and enjoy it in many forms. For you it may be going for a run, getting your hair done, reading a favorite book, or even a night out with friends. Everyone has their own form of “recharging their batteries”. Whether its an activity with other people or something you enjoy by yourself, do what is best for you.
Here is something else to consider: I know this sounds odd, but in all the craziness of planning, you may not see your fiancé as much as you did BEFORE your engagement. You will be running around to find your wedding dress, bridesmaid gowns, flowers, caterer, PHOTOGRAPHER, D.J., venue, etc. Your fiancé may not have the availability, or desire, to attend every meeting with you. There are a lot of details that need to be planned and it will require a lot of your spare time—time you used to spend with your man! Even if your fiancé comes to every meeting with you it is still important to have time together that DOES NOT revolve around the wedding. Schedule a regular date night that has nothing to do with wedding planning so you can continue to focus on each other during this sweet season. If you can, keep this same date night after the wedding. It is important that you continue dating your spouse.
4. Don’t be afraid to tell people no.
It is no secret that when you are planning a wedding you will be met with A LOT of opinions and expectations that they hope to see. You might feel pressure to choose food, a venue, or even a dress that your family or friends would prefer, but here’s the thing: this is not THEIR wedding day; it is YOURS! As a people-pleaser myself, it can be easy to give in and agree to something you don’t truly want in order to make others happy. This is the day of all days to have everything exactly how YOU want it. Of course, you want your loved ones to have a great time with you on your wedding day, especially during the reception. In the end, though, they will have a great time just seeing how happy you and your new husband are. Everyone just wants to see a happy couple on their wedding day. That will happen if you stand up and say “yes” to what you really want and “no” to what you need to say “no” to.
5. The wedding is one day but your marriage is forever.
Your wedding day should be the day you’ve dreamt of since you were a little girl. Everything should be lovely, romantic, and truly the most special day. The thing to remember is that it is not the most important aspect; your marriage is. It is not about preparing for one day, but rather your life together. I highly recommend premarital counseling, usually preformed by the pastor who will officiate your wedding. Evan and I met with a Pastor who was not involved in our wedding but was a major resource to us. In our case, Evan’s father and my childhood pastor shared the role of officiate and neither were within easy travel distance to meet with on a regular basis. Plus, it was nice to be lead by a pastor who did not have a personal history with either one of us and could truly get to know us as he helped us prepare for marriage. We discussed what it means to form one life from two individual ones. Our roles and expectations; we learned how to think through and figure out our expectations for marriage. We learned new things about the other and how we can be there for each other in the ways we individually need. How do we both feel loved and appreciated the most? How did Evan expect marriage to look like compared to how I expected it to look? While we were looking forward to our wedding day and knew it would be a day we would look back on forever, we wanted our focus to be on preparing for a strong marriage. That is after all what your fiancé proposed to you; marriage. Not one romantic day but rather a lifetime of love and support.
* Remember, planning your wedding is meant to be fun! Don’t allow the planning process or others to take away your joy or excitement. If you find yourself stressed or dreading anything in your planning process, walk away for a bit. I promise, you won’t fall behind by taking a little time away. You may even come back inspired!